My friends and I were tormented by the neighborhood bullies Scut Farkus and Grover Dill. Eventually I snapped and beat up one of them.

I tried to help my Dad fix a flat tire on the ride home, but I uttered "the Queen Mother of Dirty Words" and when I got home, my mother washed my mouth out with

In an act of what I describe as "inexorable official justice" for the flagpole incident, I blamed my friend, Schwartz for teaching me the word (when in fact he had heard it repeatedly from The Old Man); My mom informs Schwartz's mom over the phone.